Broken
by motherandchild
Summary: A love story between broken people.
1. Chapter 1

As a child, Mikasa reveled in the stories her mother told. She sat wide-eyed as she listened to the things her mother described. Her mother talked about peace so common that people could go anywhere they wanted, there were more – a multitude – of their kind, and lands that stretched out endlessly, bordered only by the seas. These stories existed at a time long ended and were placed somewhere beyond the reach of the walls. Yet, when her mother spoke, the soothing lulls of her voice made those stories come to life.

One of Mikasa's favorite stories was about a beautiful dancer who moved so lightly that her feet would not even make a sound when she leaped. However, this dancer had a glaring weakness. Her arms were not strong enough to hold up the fans she used in her dance for too long. Her graceful movements would falter midway and she would stop, fists clenched at her sides.

The dancer's teacher, noticing her difficulty, tied heavy stones around her wrists. The pain from the added weight made tears run down her cheeks, but the dancer soldiered on. Hour after hour, she practiced until her arms were prickled with pain. When the stones were removed, the dancer found that could do her dance perfectly, the fans weightless in her hands.

_"Mama, did the dancer have hair like mine?"_

Mikasa thought about her mother's story as she lowered herself into a small pool of water that caught the spray from a large fountain. It was a secluded spot, at the border of the property that housed her squad temporarily. No one else knew about it for she had only accidentally found it during one of her afternoon walks.

"Fate," she whispered. She lightly touched the stone figure adorning the edge of the pool. It was a large winged dragon with a face looked up at her ferociously.

She stared at her jacket and her scarf, which were discarded haphazardly on the ground. The sight of those warming garments made the thinness of her blouse even more glaring. She was soaked. Between the cold water and the cold air, she felt like her skin was being ripped to shreds. Her body begged for warmth.

_"Yes," _she heard her mother's voice from long ago, while she shivered in the now.

_"Yes, she did."_

Mikasa hardened her jaw and clamped her hand over her mouth to stop her teeth from chattering.

An hour passed before Mikasa silently slipped out of the water. Not bothering to dry herself, she put on her clothes. She silently walked back to her quarters before anybody noticed her absence.

The next night, Mikasa stealthily followed the path back to the stone fountain as soon as she was sure that the whole house was asleep. Within minutes, she was half-submerged in the frigid waters. Her muscles were so taut that she found her entire body quaking, making tiny ripples in the water. Yet, she forced herself to stay where she was. She remained silent, steeling herself against a long-drawn battle. Slowly, she raised her hands to look at how they turned into a ghostly white from the cold.

A few paces back, a pair of eyes watched her. He saw how she easily discarded her jacket and gracefully lowered herself into the pool. When she lifted her hands, he saw how they moved without her usual control. He watched as she numbly stared at her hands before he turned away sharply to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Levi was not what you would call a sentimental man. He was, in fact, quite the opposite. He favored practical measures that resulted from action. Actions, he frequently reasoned, were controlled by choice. This was why, when he saw one of his soldiers break curfew, he made the easy choice to follow.

His features were clouded with a slight frown. Years of being a solider taught him that there was nothing arbitrary about rules and he was not one to tolerate insubordination – even in seemingly harmless cases like an evening walk. Discipline was a hard lesson to learn. He considered it a generous gift on his part to chew out the person responsible for him being outside at this hour and he could not deny that the thought gave him no small amount of satisfaction.

The wind picked up. He pulled his cloak closer to him and opened his mouth to mutter a curse. However, the sight laid out before him dried out the words in his tongue. It was a dark-haired woman. Her hands were in front of her as if in surrender. Whatever lecture he had simmering in his mind was forgotten as he watched her turn to tilt her head, eyes clouded as if she was trying to make sense of what was happening to her limbs.

He let out a slow breath. He was used to seeing Mikasa Ackerman. It was hard not to miss her in training and in battle, _especially _in battle. The first time he saw her, Erwin gave him a small nudge. "Look at that one," he said. "In time, she can be just like you."

Those words, though they could either be taken as a compliment or a fact, made him wary of Mikasa. The contrast of her coldness when armed with a sword and the bursts of passionate anger when people she loved were threatened were too familiar. And he chose long ago to forget.

But there was something different about Mikasa Ackerman in this unfolding scene. As he watched her normally stoic face melt into an expression akin to vulnerability, he started to feel like an intruder. So he made another choice. Although he was not known to be a respectful man, especially to his subordinates, he backed off and silently walked back to his room.


	3. Chapter 3

The second Levi opened his eyes, he knew that he would be in for a very long day. He slowly sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. He was tired. The night had left him unsettled and he still felt the tangled up knots of confusion at the pit of his stomach.

He recalled what happened the night before. He had let out low sigh of relief when he closed the door of his quarters, relishing the warmth that enveloped him. Within those walls, he did not have to worry about the grubbiness that came with living with other people. There were no conversations he would rather not be a part of. Being alone was usually enough for his thoughts to clear.

But that night, he had spent many hours absently shuffling around the length of the floor, rearranging books, and polishing his bedside table in lazy, concentric circles.

"What are you doing?" he had asked the empty room.

Of course, the walls had no answers for him. The crickets had already launched their final chorus when he finally fell asleep. Now that he was awake, he realized just how restless he was the night before. Sleep was pointless. It held too many thoughts, too many memories, and too many nightmares.

"No," he mused to himself. That wasn't it. He was used to the nightmares. Who wasn't? Didn't they live at a time when every single day was a nightmare to begin with? He was seasoned enough to know that he shouldn't expect the nights to be different.

It was something else that bothered him. The sight of a lone figure, courting the freezing cold.

_Why was she there?_

The question hung around him like a shroud and he was uncharacteristically quiet during morning drills, his scowl deeper than usual. From any other person, the lack of yelling would be a welcome development. However, humanity's strongest was not just any other person. The silence that emanated from him was menacing and it caused the soldiers to shuffle nervously.

On most days, he would critically examine the stances of the soldiers, picking out exactly what they were doing wrong. Then he would then let them know in the worst way possible. Insult after insult would be hurled, until the soldier at the receiving head cowered in fear and shame. It was an effective technique, and one, Levi knew, he was best at dishing out.

But today, Levi's sharp eyes darted from one figure to the next without saying anything. He barely grunted out orders. This lack of focus unnerved him and soured his mood considerably.

_Why?_

His reverie was broken when he heard a female voice squeak above the monotonous thud-thud-thud of punches and kicks. He squared his shoulders, readying himself. He detested unnecessary conversation during training. Absolutely abhorred it.

"Are you okay?" Sasha asked, peering into her sparring partner's eyes. "You look a little pale."

Levi turned.

"I'm fine." Mikasa murmured.

He slowly walked over. Sasha saw him first, her eyes widening in fear. Mikasa turned and Levi saw that she had dark circles under her eyes. He clenched his fists.

"Can you please explain to me why you two are blabbering about like a bunch of school girls?" Levi said through gritted teeth.

"H…h… heichou…" Sasha stammered, looking at her partner for help.

"She was asking me how I was feeling, Heichou." Mikasa spoke up.

"Mikasa," Sasha hurried to explain to their commanding officer. "I think she's sick."

Levi's lips curled up slightly and Sasha felt her stomach drop. She was smart enough to know that her commanding officer never smiled unless it involved inflicting some kind of punishment. She shrank back.

"Ackerman," he drawled, turning her attention to the other girl. "Are you feeling a bit under the weather?"

Mikasa stood up a little straighter. "I'm fine, Heichou," she said firmly.

Levi circled her. The girl didn't even flinch. "Are you sure about that?"

He tilted his head and made a show of peering at her face. "Perhaps, you should take better care of yourself," he continued evenly.

She merely stood still and kept her eyes staring straight ahead. As he circled her again, he leaned close to her ear, dropping his voice low enough so that no one else can hear what he was about to say. "And stop going to the fountain."

It was the slightest of movements. The corners of Mikasa's mouth quivered. Levi instantly regretted what he said. But then her usual stoic expression returned and he narrowed his eyes. He knew her well enough to anticipate a swift reaction from her.

"Yes, sir," she said. Without another word, she walked a few steps towards a training dummy and whirled to a kick, her heel connecting with a clean smash against the side its head. It rolled on the ground, stopping in front of Levi's feet. She had knocked it clean out.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi did not want to lean against a dusty doorframe, waiting for Mikasa Ackerman, but that was exactly what he did the following night. His eyes narrowed when he finally saw her turn the corner towards him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

In return, the last thing Mikasa wanted was to address her superior officer, but she did so anyway. "It seems, sir," she said in carefully selected words, "that you already know."

The two soldiers regarded each other silently, each prolonged look increasing the intensity of their unwillingness to be in the presence of each other. In the end, it was Mikasa who broke the spell. Not wanting to say anything else, she shrugged and walked past him, leaving him by the door.

Levi could not help but shake his head at her. Though Mikasa was often cited as a prodigy, the truth was that there had been others just like her. She may be stronger and more capable, but he was familiar with her sharp glares and even sharper tongue. He had seen it before. He remembered all those men and women, if not by name, then by face.

For some, their attitudes came from trying to overcome the horrifying thought of facing giants. For others, it came from the recklessness of youth. For others still, brashness was their weapon, because they grew up in a situation where the weak perishes. In the end, the motivations behind their behavior mattered little. They all met the same end.

Arrogance carried a price, Levi knew. The price was always far too steep. This was the thought that loomed heavy on his mind as he took the steps to follow her.

Mikasa was already half-submerged in the frigid waters, her jacket and scarf again lying on the ground, when he reached her. "What the hell are you doing?" he repeated, as if their previous conversation was not interrupted.

She bristled at the sound of his voice, although she was not at all surprised to see him. She made the half-hearted attempt to conceal a sigh, as if his presence was more of a nuisance than a reprimand from someone who carried a higher rank.

"I'm cold," she said simply, as if that explained everything.

He couldn't help but run his hand through his hair incredulously. "Of course you are," he said. "You're in a damned fountain in the middle of the night."

She met his eye and flatly replied, "You misunderstand, Captain. I'm always cold."

He didn't understand, but he wanted to so he asked again. "Tell me why."

"I told you already."

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and gave out a short breath. The patience he was willing to extend wore thin immediately. "I meant, please explain to me why one of my soldiers is out here, risking her health. More importantly, risking detection from titans or whatever else wants to kill us and therefore, endangering the rest of the team. That reason had better be better than 'I'm cold,' mimicking her tone.

Mikasa's defiance wilted at the reasonableness of her Captain's words. She spoke again, this time her tone softer. "I'm always cold. It's my weakness. I figured, if I'm in the cold long enough, I'll learn how to deal with it."

He opened his mouth ask if she defined dealing with it as dying from pneumonia, but there was a hopefulness in Mikasa's voice that made him swallow his sarcasm. Instead, he clicked his tongue in disapproval. He leaned down and picked up her jacket and scarf from the ground, folded them neatly, and set them down on the bench for her.

Levi heard a barely audible "thank you" as he walked away. "Tch," he responded, without looking back.

Although, he did see this, Mikasa watched his figure grow smaller and smaller until he disappeared from her view.


	5. Chapter 5

Levi was already at the fountain when Mikasa arrived. She gave him a small nod as she sat down him. It had been a two weeks since he confronted her for her nightly ventures and also a few days less than that since he started joining her.

After Mikasa confessed her plan to him, he walked away, bristling at the idiocy of her plan but fully intending to leave her alone. However, he spent the evening sleepless, his thoughts empty except for instinctively counting his heartbeat. The same thing happened on the second night and then the third. He found himself straining to hear the soft click of the front door, indicating that Mikasa had returned to the house

When dark circles started to form under his eyes, Levi simply waited until dark and returned to the fountain. He had hoped that she wouldn't ask why he was there, and she did not disappoint. He knew that Mikasa was not the kind who did not need to be talking all the time, a fact that he had long admired. When Mikasa merely looked at him from head to foot and haughtily sniffed at his presence. Unintimidated by her demeanor, he merely took it as an invitation to sit down, so that was exactly what he did. He returned night after night after that.

At first, they barely acknowledged each other. Though Levi and Mikasa were only mere feet away from each other, they were wrapped up in their own thoughts that they might as well have been separated by an entire universe.

For Levi, there was something about the stillness of the night that appealed to him. It was so different from their days when everything around him – every molecule – was filled with so much noise. The soldiers and their mindless chatter, or their loud fears of death. Both were irritatingly grating to him. Even when conversations died down, he had to endure the dull thud-thud-thud of training: bone against sand, bone against bone, bone against ground.

On days when they had to venture out, those sounds were replaced by something even worse. It was the sound of death. Screams, the clanging of swords. Even blood, would you believe, had sound, when it came gurgling out to be absorbed by the earth. So the nights spent outside, with a woman who ignored him completely, where there was nothing but soft rustles of wind through trees, were blissful for him.

For Mikasa, she kept coming because it was the promise that perhaps she will know what it feels like to stop being so afraid, starting with her fear of the cold.

Most people would find it extremely uncomfortable to be so near someone without acknowledging the other, but Levi and Mikasa were faithful to their aloofness. For them, it took four days before the silence between them was broken.

"Oi, Ackerman" Levi said suddenly, as an unwelcome thought occurred to him, "if you have an issue with me being here, now is the time to say it".

"I don't," a muffled reply came.

He gave a soft grunt and returned to the solitude of his thoughts, feeling more than just slightly pleased.

Tonight, he was again at his usual seat, his legs stretched out in front of him and absently crossed at the ankles. He turned to look at Mikasa, who had her back turned to him. Though she had casually mentioned that she thought that she was building her tolerance for the cold, he could tell from the way her shoulders were slumped over that it was a biting lie.

He ran his fingers through the material of her scarf, which was folded up neatly beside him. Despite its obvious age and frayed edges, it was surprisingly clean. _Soft and well-loved, _he thought with amusement. "You know," he said, frowning at her shaking form. "There are other ways to feel warm."

Mikasa suddenly turned to face him and he watched her eyes travel from his face to his hand. He stilled when he saw her eyebrow raise up to see the edge of his scarf wrapped around his little finger. She would be right in her indignation. He knew that he should not touch her things, especially one so precious to her, without her permission. An apology caught in his throat and wouldn't come out so he instead braced himself in the best way he knew how. Levi pursed his thin lips to a small smirk and raised his eyebrow too.

To his surprise, she merely shrugged. "That's probably true," she admitted.

Mikasa stood up, the cold water dripping down her chin. She shuffled towards him in rusty steps and slipped on her jacket. "I guess that's that then."

_It's over? _This was the second time in minutes that Mikasa had done the opposite of what he expected. _How could she let go of the idea that she was so adamant about before? _

It was then that Levi was hit with the revelation that his confidence that he knew the kind of person Mikasa was, what made her tick, and her motivations, was misplaced. He, in fact, had no idea who she was. He was oddly both sickened and fascinated at the thought.

Levi saw large, dark spots form on her jacket as the water seeped through. "Going to the fountain was a stupid idea, Ackerman," he said.

Mikasa did not say anything, but instead tugged at her scarf. The resulting jolt he felt made Levi realize for the first time he still gripped the garment in his hands. He let go.

She wrapped her scarf around her neck, burying half her face in it. "Then why are you here too?" she asked, her eyes baring no emotion, her voice flat.

He chose to ignore her question. "Your footwork needs some work. Come here again tomorrow night. We can train," he said matching the even tone that she used.

A hard look crossed over her features. "My footwork is fine."

"I didn't think that 'fine' is the standard you were going for, but okay then," Levi said carelessly.

"I'll be here tomorrow," Mikasa said swiftly.

Levi suppressed a triumphant smile. _Mikasa Ackerman would never miss the chance to get stronger. At least, I know that much._

* * *

"I once did a handstand for two hours," Mikasa breathed out as she slammed her elbow onto Levi's open palm. "I could have gone longer, but Armin insisted that I stop. He kept on saying something about permanent brain damage."

Levi took a slight step backward to absorb the force of her blow, "Well, that explains it then."

Mikasa gave him an exasperated look, as she adjusted her right foot to have a wider stance. It was one of the first things that Levi insisted that she develop. Feet apart, one foot in front of the other – he kept on repeating them until finally, she found herself unconsciously following. He was right, she begrudgingly admitted. With the improved balance, it was easier to control her strikes.

"Do you cook?" Levi asked. His palms were held right in front of his face, waiting to receive more hits from her attack.

Tonight, they were working on her technique for her elbows. Mikasa had frowned when he first mentioned it. "Elbows?" she said doubtfully. Levi had responded by a swift jab on her chin using an upward stroke of his elbow. "Elbows are deadlier than fists," Levi said as she reeled back, rubbing her jaw. "They're all bone and sharp as hell."

"I do, but just the simple stuff. Nothing fancy," Mikasa answered. She kept her left hand in front of her face to protect it, while her other arm was curved to a pointed crook. Her elbow sailed a slightly curved trajectory, just as Levi taught her, before connecting hard to his waiting hand. "I avoid cooking if I can though."

"Good force," Levi said. "So not very domesticated, are we?" He stepped quickly to the side, so that Mikasa was to his right.

"I like gardening," she gamely answered, as she switched sides, this time raising her right hand to protect her face while she quickly struck her left elbow to its intended target. "I had a small garden growing up. It was a small patch really, but it was nice."

Levi and Mikasa talked more when they were training, than they did when they weren't. It was a good gauge to see if she was breathing properly, he explained. People who can't talk while training are likely holding their breaths and thus more prone to getting tired.

"I'm a pretty good cook," Levi said suddenly, while his hand lightly tapped her left arm to remind her to keep it higher. Mikasa adjusted, shielding her face better.

"You are?" Again, she unleased a series of elbows towards him, easily switching between right and left. Their time for training was drawing to a close, but she felt like she could go for a couple of rounds more.

"Yeah, I didn't have a family growing up so I had to learn to feed myself pretty early on. For a greater part of my life, I had to make do with whatever food I can scrape of the bottom of the barrel. If you can take trash and make it edible, you can make proper ingredients taste pretty damned good."

She was surprised to hear him talk about his youth. Young Levi was hard to imagine, but Mikasa thought he might have looked the same way he did now. "Height must certainly be the same," she thought wryly to herself. Scarcely the idea formed in her mind when it was shattered by a hard knock to the side of her face. She had dropped her hand slightly and it allowed Levi the opening to connect a retaliatory elbow of his own.

Mikasa staggered back, her face flushed. _Sharp as hell indeed._

"Yes, Ackerman" Levi said dryly, "My height was pretty much the same"

"I wasn't…" she started to stutter, not sure if she was embarrassed by the strike or the fact that he seemed to have read her mind.

Levi stepped away and looked at her reddened face that was lightly beaded with sweat. He put his hands behind his head, signaling that training had ended. He gave a low whistle, "So, a two-hour handstand, huh?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Hullo there, Mikasa! You too Levi!"

Mikasa, who was a few steps ahead of Levi, stopped so suddenly that he almost bumped into her. They were discussing the new strategy that Armin brought up the other day. Although their voices were hushed, the argument was quite heated. They did not notice Hanji's presence until she gave them a cheerful greeting.

"What are you doing here, four eyes? It's the middle of the night."

Hanji stood in the middle of the kitchen barefoot. On one hand was a pot of tea, the steam curling gently from the spout. On the other was a chipped mug. Hanji grinned at him. "I should ask you two the same thing."

Levi merely shrugged. It was obvious from their appearance that he and Mikasa had been training. They were on their way to the kitchen to get a cold drink before retiring to their beds, a practice that had become routine the past weeks or so.

Although both Levi and Mikasa never agreed upon it, they both took deliberate measures to keep the rest of the people in the house from knowing about their training sessions. They most certainly never brought it up with anyone. Levi always thought that if someone mentioned it to him, he would not deny it .After all, he reasoned, there was nothing objectionable about squeezing in a few extra hours of training. But now that the situation has presented itself, he found himself wanting to say nothing.

Mikasa shifted slightly and mumbled a faint goodnight, before hurrying out of the room, presumably to her own quarters.

Levi just stood there glared at Hanji. "May I?" jutting his chin towards the tea.

Hanji made a grand show of pulling out a chair for him. "Of course, of course. I made enough for three actually. A shame Mikasa scurried out like that."

Levi pointedly sat down on another chair. He did, however, take the the offered cup, holding it by the rim – a habit from his childhood he was unable to break – and took a sip. It was a little too bitter for his taste, but after a particularly strenuous workout, he could not help but appreciate it.

It had been two months since he and Mikasa started training together. As he expected, Mikasa was a prodigious student. He knew that hand to hand combat was an aspect that she could stand to improve on. Her technique was good, excellent even, but she was too easily swayed by emotions. It was an interesting to discover: the woman who was known for her expressionless face and stoic demeanor, so easily distracted by taunts or even easy conversation.

Fighting, Levi knew, was not about who was the strongest. It was who had the tenacity of mind to do whatever it takes to win.

He silently sipped his tea, finishing the whole cup before Hanji spoke up. "Now, Levi, tell me what you and our little Mikasa Ackerman doing sneaking out in the middle of the night?"

He was not surprised that Hanji noticed this. Despite her eccentricities, she was one of the sharpest soldiers in the legion. "We just train together, Hanji," he said. "That's all."

Hanji's glasses had slipped down the bridge of her nose, making them tilt at an awkward angle. "She's too young for you, you know," she said without preamble.

_Ah, so this is really what all of this is about_, Levi thought.

"It's not what you think, Hanji," he said. "I have no romantic interest in Mikasa. I just want to help her get better at fighting."

"That's an interesting concept, Levi, considering that Mikasa is considered to be one of the best soldiers already," she said.

"Exactly, Hanji," Levi sighed. "She's strong. If there's anyone here who can survive this war, it's her. That's why I want to train her."

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you tired of people dying all the time?" Levi said as he stared at his hands. "We spend so much time training these soldiers who are still children really, teaching them everything we know, and what happens? We venture out and in two minutes half of them have been eaten by those damned titans? I'm sick of it, Hanji. I just want someone – anyone – to live. Mikasa can do that."

"I see," Hanji said simply.

"Hell, Hanji." Levi said. "Why I'm even telling you this, I have no idea."

"Yes, isn't that the strangest thing?" she replied, a smile flickering across her face.

Levi's eyes narrowed. He picked up his empty cup and sniffed it. It was a little too bitter for his taste, he remembered. "Damn it all to hell." he glowered. "What did you put in my tea, you crazy woman?"

"I halved the dosage! I halved the dosage!" Hanji gleefully shrieked as she jumped out of her chair to dodge Levi as he lunged for her.


	7. Chapter 7

Mikasa meant to turn left towards the wing that that housed the rooms for girls. However, as she reached the end of the hallway, she changed her mind and swerved right instead. Down a musky stairwell she went and straight through another narrow hallway. Soon, she found herself standing outside Eren's door. She knocked thrice, following a rhythm that she used as a child. Mikasa waited.

A few seconds later, she heard three knocks in return. It was a game that they played as children, a code to let the other know who was on the other side. Eren soon opened the door. His hair was rumpled and his eyes were still bleary with sleep.

"Mikasa, you shouldn't be here," he mumbled but stepped aside anyway to let her in. "It's past our curfew."

"I know," she said as she stepped into his room. "It's just that… it's been a strange night."

"How come?"

Mikasa adjusted her scarf, not knowing where to start. Eren knew nothing about her training sessions with their captain. In fact, she had gone through great lengths to avoid letting him know.

Mikasa thought about how other soldiers whispered behind her back, calling her a prodigy. But, all of that fell into the wayside out in the battlefield. When faced with the titans, it didn't matter that she placed first in her class. It didn't matter that they called her one of the strongest. Out there, the only question was whether or not you can successfully accomplish your mission. For Mikasa, her objective was as straightforward as it was singular: keep Eren safe.

This is why Mikasa took every opportunity to get better at fighting.

Mikasa knew that Eren would not appreciate this. Eren was quite vocal about not needing her protection. Although Eren often protested that she never listened, Mikasa heard him quite well. She just chose to ignore him.

She could deal with the pettiness of his arguments, although they sometimes hurt her feelings. She cared more about keeping the final promise she made to Carla, the woman she considered as her mother. It was the same promise she made to herself, the woman who owed Eren her life. _Keep Eren safe. _

Mikasa's was convinced that she did not need to let Eren know that she trained with their Captain. That is, until she saw Hanji a few minutes earlier. Mikasa was troubled because Hanji looked like she was waiting for her and Levi. A pot of tea was already brewed. Two other cups, aside from the one she held at her hand, were already at the table. She was an astute observer, and she knew that Hanji's presence was not a coincidence.

Mikasa could only assume that Hanji was there to ask them to put a stop to their unsanctioned training sessions. Indeed, the first time that Levi saw her at the fountain, he voiced the same concerns. Being out of the safety of their headquarters was not only a risk for them, but also for the others. Though she understood the reasoning behind it, she feared the implications. She did not want to stop learning from Captain Levi.

"It is okay, Mikasa," Eren said reaching out to ruffle her hair. "You can tell me your secret."

Mikasa was jolted out of her reverie. "What makes you think that I have a secret?"

Eren's gave her a wide smile, reminding Mikasa of how he smiled when they were children. "Oh please," he scoffed. "First, you're trying to hide behind that ratty scarf I gave you. You always do that when you don't want to talk about something. Second, you're in your training clothes in the middle of the night. If that doesn't say mystery, then I don't know what does. Third – and this is the most important detail of all, you know – you're here. You always come to me whenever you need to talk to someone."

Eren couldn't help but give a low chuckle at Mikasa's astonished expression. "In case you haven't noticed, Mikasa," he teased. "I know you."

This was both a fact and a gross understatement of their relationship. Eren was the one who shared her past, who knew everything about her. He saved her life, then saved it again. He was what was familiar. Suddenly, she felt foolish at keeping secrets from Eren. If there was anyone who could understand, it was him.

Mikasa crossed over to the bare room and sat down at the edge of his bed. Eren sat down beside her and waited for her to speak.

_He knows me. _

So Mikasa took a deep breath and started from the beginning. "Well, a few months ago, I found a fountain and I had an idea…"


	8. Chapter 8

The Survey Corps was not meant to stay within the safety of anything for a prolonged periods of time. Their place was to explore the outside. They trained to be at the frontlines. So one morning, the soldiers came out of their rooms and assembled with their swords and gear prepared.

There was a nervous hum that surrounded the ranks. The mission was to inspect the external structure of the wall and to assess the population of the titans. While the first part of the mission was routine, the second was not. It meant that they would head straight towards titan territory. The feeling of danger was palpable.

Levi spied Mikasa from across the room. Her face had the hardness of someone prepared for battle. He waited until she met his eyes and mouthed a stern reminder: remember your training.

In response, MIkasa gave a small, barely imperceptible nod.

By midday, the Survey Corps suffered heavy losses. It was a battle that was fiercer than they anticipated. Aberrant titans showed up unexpectedly and forced the squads to be on the defensive. Formation was broken and the squads scattered. Despite the chaos, each soldier knew what to do in this situation. There was one order that prevailed at such an onslaught. Regroup, stay with your squad, and retreat.

Levi stood at the branch of a giant tree. On his chin was a tiny dribble of blood. He paused to wipe his face with a clean handkerchief and surveyed his surroundings to see where the rest of his team was. Sasha and Connie were standing to his left, supporting an injured Christa between them. Armin just landed next to him, breathing heavily.

Jean was still in combat, his face bloody from a cut above his eyebrow, but the titan was a small. It was only a matter of time before the titan falls under the sway of his subordinate's blade.

Levi leaned back on his heels and surveyed his surroundings. He was looking for Mikasa. A few minutes ago she was right behind him, having just finished off a seven-meter class titan. But now, he found himself craning his head to find her.

Out of the corner of his eye, he suddenly saw a flash of scarlet. It was her scarf. Mikasa flew past him towards an aberrant with unusually large teeth. It was slow and lumbering, but even from where he stood, Levi could see that it was extremely flexible. Its long limbs flailed in all directions and its neck turning at a frightening angle.

Levi yelled at Mikasa, "Ackerman, do not engage! The order is to retreat!"

She ignored him and swung fast towards the titan. Levi was momentarily confused as to why she was intent on chasing a titan that was moving away from them. Almost immediately, Levi saw why. Eren had fallen behind and was on the titan's path.

Mikasa quickly caught up with the titan and launched herself towards it. She landed lightly on its shoulder then ran down its arm, cutting it as she moved. The titan gave a grievous wail of pain. Mikasa then shot her 3D maneuver gear and kicked to propel herself off the titan. Levi felt his jaw tighten at how gracefully she moved.

Her gear made another cracking sound. She circled the titan to confuse it. The titan swung its arms wildly, but Mikasa weaved through the air, always just beyond its reach. As she came close to its neck, she raised her arms to strike.

Levi breathed a sigh of relief as he was sure that the titan's death was inevitable. However, the titan twisted its neck all the way around. It was facing her. The titan snarled ferociously, spittle foaming around its mouth.

Mikasa managed to change directions at the last second, avoiding its jaws. Instead, the titan caught the cable of her maneuver gear. To Levi's horror, it sent Mikasa tumbling down.

Without even thinking, he shot his gear to get to her. As he glided at a speed that even he was surprised at, he heard Armin shout Mikasa's name. His voice was already fading from the distance.

Mikasa tucked her body and rolled on the ground to absorb the impact of her fall. Her hands automatically adjusted the grip of her weapons and she scrambled to her feet. The titan gave another snarl and crouched down low, its face a mere feet away from her. An ugly mouth made a gaping hole, the smell of rotting flesh emanating from it.

As Levi neared the scene, he saw Mikasa pause and stare straight into the titan's eyes. In the next instant, her gear shot through the titan's forehead, using it as an anchor to swing herself to its nape.

Levi landed at the titan's back at the same time Mikasa did. They plunged their swords deep into the monster, surrounding them both with steam.

* * *

"I could have handled it, Mikasa," Eren said. "I didn't need your help."

"I know Eren," Mikasa said softly. "I just didn't want you to be in danger."

Eren was furious. He whirled to face her, his mouth twisted to retort an angry reply. Instead, a cry of surprise came out as he was pushed back roughly. Levi came from behind and shoved him out of the way. As the young soldier stumbled from the force, Levi grabbed Mikasa by the collar.

Though he was shorter, he was the stronger one. Levi pushed Mikasa against a nearby wall. The girl needed disciple and Levi knew there was only one way to teach it. He was here to inflict pain.

"Don't you ever, _ever _disobey a direct order from me again," he said, darkly.

Mikasa raised her eyes in defiance. "It was coming after Eren."

"Did I ask why?" he said, his voice deadly even. "I don't care what your reasons were. For your defiance, I order you will be on stable duty for a month and kitchen duty for two."

Her face remained expressionless. But Levi wasn't done. He was aware that the rest of the squad gathered around them in concern for their friend. He decided to use it to his advantage.

Levi spoke loudly. "The squad will reconfigure for the next mission. Braus and Lenz, you two will stay in the front with me. Kirschtein will guard the squad from the left. Springer, you will be at the right."

He paused, bracing himself for Mikasa's true punishment. "Eren and Armin, you both will be at the rear of the squad. I expect you two to provide cover for the squad from any titans that may show up."

Levi registered the widening of Mikasa's eyes.

"You will sit out the next mission, Ackerman."

Without thinking, Mikasa swung her hands at her superior officer. Levi caught it without effort, twisting her arm behind her. With a deft move of his leg, he brought her down to her knees.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Armin put a hand on Eren. Jean flinched. He twisted her arm harder. "You will respect me. You will respect the chain of command. You will learn this, Ackerman, and you will learn this now."

* * *

Levi was wrapping his hands with bandages when Mikasa came up to him that night. He frowned when he saw that she was not dressed for training.

"You had no right to do that," she seethed, wasting no time.

Levi continued to wind the wraps around his hands. "On the contrary, Ackerman," he said without looking at her. "As your superior officer, I had every right to do that. You, on the other hand, had no right to disobey me or to raise your hand against me."

"Armin and Eren. I need to protect them."

Levi took his time finishing wrapping his hands. When he was done, he straightened up and eyed her critically. Mikasa was obviously in distress. She looked like she was ready to strike him again.

"Do you, Ackerman?" he said. "If you weren't around, will Jaeger forget his training? The same kind of training you received, by the way. More so, will he lose his ability to turn into a titan?"

Mikasa's response was nothing but sullen silence.

"And what about Arlert? Or do you think he will lose the ability to come up with brilliant strategies for survival, as he has done countless of times before?"

Levi flexed his fingers to loosen the wraps to a more comfortable tightness. "Or perhaps," he said, "you think that your precious Armin and Eren would immediately drop dead just because you weren't there."

Mikasa went very, very still. He saw from the way she unclenched her firsts that she was weighing his words. "No, I don't," she finally replied, her voice taut.

"Now tell me, why are you so eager to always rush headfirst into battle? You're not afraid of them, are you, Ackerman?" Levi asked.

"Them?"

"The titans. The big monstrous creatures that eat people and if given the chance, would eat you. In fact, one of them almost ate you this morning."

Mikasa sighed a short answer: "No, I guess I'm not."

"I saw you stare at the damned thing this morning before finishing it off," Levi said. "Are you really that arrogant?"

Mikasa sagged slightly. Was that really what the Captain thought? Did others think of her that way? Perhaps, that was why Eren always got so angry whenever she tried to protect him.

"No, it's not arrogance," Mikasa finally said. "I just don't see titans as the most frightening thing in the world"

"Oh?" Levi asked, genuinely interested in where this was going.

"Captain, what is your worst memory?" Mikasa asked. Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "Mine is when my parents died. I hate the titans for what they've done and what they can do. But they're not the most monstrous beings I've seen. The titans are terrible, but humans are far worse."

Levi was quiet for a long time after that.

"You can trust me," he finally said.

"What?" Mikasa said, startled by what he said.

"You heard me, Ackerman." Levi said, approaching her and putting a hand on her shoulder. "You can trust me. _Trust me_. And trust that your friends won't die on you. Not all humans will let you down."

Mikasa's breath caught at the sincerity of his words. She's never seen such gentleness from the Captain and she was startled at how effortless he was at it. Little did she know, he was capable of even greater acts of kindness.

Mikasa turned towards him and took a step back. With her back held straight and rigid, she bowed low. It was a gesture that her mother taught her as the ultimate sign of respect. Though Levi could not possibly have known this, he could sense that the act held special significance for her.

When they saw each other the next night, they did not mention what had happened before. In fact, it would be years before they would talk about that incident again. They met and simply trained. However, there was a change in the ways they moved around each other. When they spoke, they used kinder words.

It was as if they had crossed a bridge to meet each other midway, to see each other better.


	9. Chapter 9

"You can be very cruel," Mikasa said.

"Can I?" Levi said as he continued to read through the documents in front of him.

Mikasa was seated across him, rolling an apple back and forth on his wooden desk. "I'm serious, Levi. Connie was really upset."

Levi finally looked up at her. Earlier that day, he had the squad practice through some new formations for their expeditions. Connie was supposed to come from the rear and then flank the right of the squad. However, he went the opposite direction. Infuriatingly, he seemed genuinely confused as to why he and Jean were guarding the same side. Levi had stopped practice and berated Connie, who looked like he would melt under his Captain's wrath.

"I'm an officer, Ackerman," Levi said briskly. "I don't have the luxury of holding anyone's hand. I need to get the job done. A single mistake can get people killed."

Mikasa shrugged. The apple rolled from one hand to the other, making a low sound. "I understand that. _Connie _understands that. It's just that when you make the point with unnecessary…" She paused to find the right word. "Intensity," she finally said, "it seems cruel. He already knew that he made a mistake. That wasn't what he needed. He needed a little extra help."

Levi put down his pen. One of the first things that Levi learned about Mikasa was that she only spoke when necessary, using her words like precious currency. Each one was spent with decisive purpose, so when she spoke about something at length, he learned to listen.

Despite the seriousness of Mikasa's voice, Levi felt slightly amused at how persistent Mikasa was being. It also did not escape his attention that she called him by his first name, something that she had started doing only a few days prior.

It had been a year since their first encounter at the fountain. His squad moved its headquarters several times, but they found themselves always making time to practice together. In that time, they grew to know each other, perhaps to a degree that qualified as a friendship. It was a gradual, tentative change – one that still caught Levi by surprise every now and then.

While Levi was amazed at how comfortable Mikasa had grown around him, he was more astonished at how he had come to regard her. She was an intelligent woman, he had known that from the start. She was strong, and that was what first drew him to her. But in the months they had spent together, he saw something else simmering beneath her obvious qualities. It was her unshakeable, unwavering devotion to the people she cared about. Her capacity for love was nothing like he's ever seen before. Certainly not in this world where love vanishes so quickly.

Levi shook his head to clear his mind of such sentimental dribble. Mikasa was still looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He sighed. "I'll think about what you said, Ackerman," he finally said. "Oi, and stop dirtying that apple."

Mikasa tossed the apple to Levi. She playfully aimed for his head, but he managed to reach up and catch it with one hand. He carefully wiped it with his sleeve and took a bite, the skin of the apple breaking with a satisfying crunch. Outside, the rain was falling in sheets.

They had been inside his office for two hours. They were waiting for Armin, who was supposed to go deliver some new plans. At the thought of the young soldier, Levi couldn't help but smirk. He was another example of how time can affect people and circumstances. Armin was so timid when he first met him. But that was the Armin of the past. He had learned to harness his tactical mind to become one of the most reliable members of the team.

_"They've grown up," _Levi thought to himself. _"And changed so much."_

Mikasa stood up and drew the curtains a bit to peer at the downpour outside. "Armin's late," she murmured. "Do you think we should look for him?"

_"But some things haven't changed enough."_

Although Levi saw that Mikasa restrained herself from fighting her friends' battles, even allowing Eren to get punched by Jean once, she still couldn't help risking her life when she thought they were in extreme danger. On more than one occasion, Levi had to bite back his anger at her recklessness. He resented that she was willing to throw her life away for them, especially Eren, as if her life were worth less.

"He'll be fine," Levi said. "Armin can take care of himself."

Mikasa let the curtain fall back down and picked the apple on his desk. She examined the even, perfect marks his teeth had made, before taking a bite herself. "I suppose you're right," she agreed with him, although her voice still held a twinge of worry.

Suddenly, Mikasa frowned and peered over his shoulder. Levi was going through the most recently drawn maps submitted to him. He was studying them in order to draw up new formations for his team. It was crucial to know the landscape of the land, especially where trees and buildings were located. In a fight against the titans, they only stood a chance if they could use their maneuver gear.

Mikasa's expression hardened in the way that Levi had become familiar with. He stood up to give up his seat for her, quelling a tug of anticipation at the pit of his stomach. He wanted to know what she would say. He was the one who taught her how analyze strategies, read and even draw maps, and think like a tactician. She was excellent at it of course, and soon saw himself going through the details of the Scouting Legion's plans with her often.

Levi handed her his pen and she immediately made some marks. "This part," she said, resting her hand on his sleeve to get his attention. "See this? This is incorrect. This building is to the west of this hill."

He leaned more closely, his face next to hers. His brow furrowed in concentration. "You're right. That means that in the event of a retreat, two squads can move towards …"

"Here," Mikasa finished, marking the spot with his pen.

Levi let out a low whistle. "Good job, Ackerman. I do believe you saved a few of your comrades by spotting that."

Mikasa did not say anything, but was visibly pleased with his praise. He opened his mouth to say something else when Armin suddenly walked in through the open door.

"I'm sorry for being late, Captain," Armin apologized. "The rain spooked my horse."

Levi saw that the hems of Armin's trousers were dirty. His boots were caked with mud. He grimaced at the sight, but waved Armin's apologies away. "Never mind that. Where is the horse now?"

"He's at the stable, sir. Fortunately, Eren was nearby to help chase it."

As if in cue, Eren walked in behind Armin. His clothes equally filthy. "Good afternoon, sir," Eren greeted.

"Do you have the reports?" Levi asked Armin, ignoring Eren.

"Yes, sir." Armin said, handing him a roll of papers. "I also wanted to discuss some ideas with you regarding the plans, if you have the time."

Levi ripped open the seal and quickly scanned the documents. "Fine," he grunted. He took a few sheets from the newly delivered stacks. "Hanji should see these. Ackerman, take these to her and let me know what her recommendations are."

"I'm not your slave, Levi," she grumbled.

Levi couldn't help but notice that Eren's demeanor stiffen at hearing Mikasa address him with familiarity.

"You're my subordinate, brat, which is pretty much the same thing." Levi said with a smirk. "Now move it." Levi finally turned to Eren. "Go with her, Jaeger. The weather's too shitty for anyone to be out alone."

"Yes, sir," Eren said, saluting him, before he and Mikasa left the room.

As soon as his friends were gone, Armin brought out some plans that he had drawn up. He spread the sheets across Levi's desk, much like Mikasa had done a few hours earlier. Levi nodded at most of Armin's ideas, pointing out some of his suggestions in some instances.

Levi took advantage of the lull while Armin was examining a document. "Arlert," he said, leaning back on his chair while a pen twirled between his fingers. "After this, go to Springer and walk him through the formations we did earlier today. Make sure he gets them. Tell him that first thing tomorrow, he is to meet me out at the field to practice what he learned."

If Armin was surprised at what he said, he didn't show it. He simply nodded and said, "I'm sure Connie would appreciate that, sir."

Levi turned his attention to the half-eaten apple on the table and absently replied, "I do believe he could use a little extra help."


	10. Chapter 10

Mikasa and Armin were sat beside each other, talking quietly. Save for the light from the small fire in front of them, the night held nothing but darkness and the hushed sounds of their conversation. Suddenly, Mikasa stood up, her hand already on the weapon on her hip.

"Who's there?" she demanded.

"Mikasa, it's me," Eren called out.

"Eren," she greeted, the tone of her voice already soft. "What are you doing here?"

Eren's face came into view as he neared the fire. "I heard you two were on sentry duty tonight so I thought I would drop by."

Armin peered at him. "Weren't you supposed to be on kitchen duty tonight?"

Eren's voice sounded deeper against the backdrop of the still night. "I was, until I made a trade with Sasha. She covers for me and she gets half of my dinner tomorrow."

Armin slapped at a mosquito on his arm. "That doesn't seem like a fair trade," he observed.

"She also gets half your dinner."

"What?" Armin yelped.

"And half of Mikasa's too," Eren admitted. Mikasa couldn't help but emit a low groan.

Eren gave his two friends a big smile before they could protest further. "I missed you guys," he admitted. "We barely get to see each other anymore, so I thought that I would take this chance."

Mikasa glanced at Eren. It was true. The past couple of months have seen them pulled into different tasks so that they barely saw each other. Armin had become a valuable intelligence asset for Scouting Legion and was always called to attend confidential meetings. Mikasa was spending a lot of time with Captain Levi, either training with him or assisting him with his duties. Most of Eren's time was spent conducting experiments in the hope that he would learn to control his titan powers better.

As far as back as Mikasa could remember, the three of them spent their days together. But now, she was hard-pressed to recall the last time they were even all in the same room. Mikasa couldn't help but give Eren a small smile. She sat down, tugging at Eren's shirt so he sat down beside her as well. Armin grinned at his friends.

"Do I seem different to you?" Eren suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?" Mikasa said.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Just different. I feel like things are changing."

Armin stoked the fire, lighting his face into shades of orange. "We've been through a lot, Eren," he observed. "It's inevitable for all of us to change."

"Eren," Mikasa said, sitting beside him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Are you all right?"

Eren sighed. "It's just that home seems so far away."

"Maybe that's not a bad thing," Mikasa said quietly.

Armin and Eren turned to face Mikasa. "Mikasa, how can you say that?" Eren said, his voice rising.

Mikasa wouldn't meet their eyes. "It just holds a lot of bad memories, Eren."

Eren's jaw clenched involuntarily, hardening his expression. "I know about bad memories, Mikasa. I was there too." He closed his eyes to rid himself of the picture of his mother's face. "But there were some good parts too, right?"

Mikasa's gaze softened and she took his hand. "Of course, Eren. We were happy."

"Do you guys remember the day before the titan broke the wall?" Armin suddenly said, his voice sounding like it came from far away.

Eren couldn't help but break into a smile. "Yes, it was so hot that we decided to just jump into the river."

Mikasa giggled, "And Armin had the brilliant idea of building a boat."

Armin sheepishly smiled, "I thought it might be good practice for when we reached the ocean."

Eren playfully punched Armin on the shoulder, "Yeah, except that it was more of a raft. A small one at that. We couldn't even get on it."

Armin scratched his head. "I still don't understand what went wrong. It should have worked."

Mikasa gave Armin a reassuring smile. "I'm sure your plan was sound, Armin. The materials we used were pretty flimsy. They were just the wood we used for fire."

Eren burst out laughing. "You should have seen my mother's face when she saw what we did to the firewood. His laughter faded a little as soon as the memory crept up, but he continued, "I thought she was going to get so mad, but she just made me promise to get some more first thing in the morning."

"Yes, except I was the one who actually gathered the firewood. You just slept." Mikasa said, pretending to grumble.

Eren's face brightened up again, "as always."

"As always," Mikasa agreed.

Suddenly Eren stood up. "Let's make a pact," he declared. "Let's promise each other that no matter what happens, no matter how many changes occur, we'll always be there for each other. We'll always be best of friends. We'll return to Shiganshina together."

He put out his hand, "Deal?"

Armin stood up. "We'll always have each other."

Mikasa stood up as well and held both of her friends' hands. "Always."

A few hours later, Eren had nodded off, his head leaning against the trunk of the tree. His breathing was heavy. Mikasa silently watched the moon begin to vanish into the day. She, Armin, and Eren spent most of the night talking, mostly about their memories from childhood.

By her feet, the remnants of the fire they made lay smoldering into ashes. Armin suddenly put his hand on her shoulder. "Duty's almost over," he said, with more than just a hint of weariness on his voice. "Should we wake up Eren?"

Mikasa shook her head. "Let him sleep some more."

"Okay," Armin sighed as he lowered himself to sit down next to her. "This night was nice."

"It was, wasn't it?" Mikasa agreed.

"Yeah," Armin said. "But Eren was right, you know."

"About what?"

"About feeling like things are different," Armin said, looking at her intently. "I feel different myself."

Mikasa didn't say anything, but instead thought about what her friend had just said. "Do you want to return to Shiganshina?"

"No," Armin responded immediately. He let a few seconds pass before speaking again. His voice was gentle, but his gaze was firm. "Do you want to go back?"

"I want to be happy," Mikasa said after a long pause.

Armin didn't said anything and instead looked at the horizon. The first rays of the sun were peeking through. "We all want that Mikasa. But where is that for you? Is it with Eren?"

Mikasa felt her jaw tighten. "That's all I've known," her tone catching.

Armin turned to face her. "That's not true, you know. Mikasa, I worry about you. I don't want you to miss out on the chance to be happy, because you feel like Eren is the only kind of happiness there is._"_

Mikasa found that she couldn't speak. A memory came flooding back to her. It was a few months ago, and the Scouting Legion was on a mission. From the corner of her eye, she saw Levi walking towards her. Before he could say anything, she said to him, "I needed to save him, Levi," knowing that she was being defensive.

"I know that, Ackerman," Levi said resignedly. "I just needed you to hold on to these." He handed her something small. "We'll need to deliver these to the proper people once we get back within the walls."

She looked down at the crumpled objects in her hands. They were several patches from the uniforms of her fallen comrades, still stained with blood. _Did they belong to the soldiers she left behind to get to Eren?"_

She felt the Captain's eyes on her. "I know that you've always protected him, Mikasa" he said quietly, "and when you signed up for the Scouting Legion, it was so you can continue protecting him, but we're in the middle of a war, not a personal struggle. I had hoped by now that you would realize that."

She felt the fabric burn through her fingers, causing her eyes to sting. "Yes, Captain. I understand."

When Mikasa looked up, Levi was already gone.

Armin stood up, startling her out of her reverie. "I'm sorry for saying those things, Mikasa," he apologized again. "I think the war is starting to get to me. I just feel like we're all running out of time."

Mikasa stood up, and caught his hand. "No, Armin. We're friends. I trust you, and I know what you mean. I feel the same way sometimes."

"You do?"

"Yes," she said sadly. "We were children when we left Shiganshina. Now, we're not. Whatever shred of innocence we had, well, it's all gone."

"I won't go back, you know," Armin said dejectedly. "To Shiganshina, I mean. If I survive this war, I want to go away. Someplace new. Somewhere far. I want to start fresh."

From the corner, Eren suppressed a soft sigh. He had woken up a while ago, feeling refreshed and happy, but when he heard his friends talking, he felt his heart sink. All he could do was to turn his head, pretending to still be asleep.

_It's all gone._

_I want to start fresh._

_What about him?_


End file.
